the real me: A new beginning

Started my temporary senior officer job at a*star - BMRC deptarment just two days ago. Having rested for quite a long time, it is dreadful to have to drag myself up everyday at 7am to prepare for and start work. A statuary board of government, the treatment was expectionally different. Personal laptop for every staff, even the temporary staff and self help to the drinks in the pantry.

Was contemplating whether or not to continue working earning at an hourly rate of $8 or searching for a job while filling in the position. I thought that if i worked on, there might be a high chance of me being converted to permanent staff. However my in-charge says that it might be difficult as degree with honours are the criteria they are looking at when hiring. So if i worked on for the whole of 4 months without the chance of being convert to permanent staff and then being asked to leave? The thoughts make me sick.

Anyway I'll just take it as an experience and on the look out for a more fulfilling job to come by! My duty in BMRC is kinda dry and tiring physically; I have got to stare at the computer for the whole of the day trying to find nominations of scientists to help go through the grant call application and having to meet the deadline by 26 june.

However it is more taxing for my Sumo to have to wake up so early everyday to send me to work and then fetch me from work. Really appreciate his effort and love him to pieces =). I read an email and i found the content of it so true and down to earth; that way of love:

This reminds me of us.. How much it had on both of us to come this far. The quarrels, the fights, the tantrums i had on him. Tiredness is the last one standing after all; tired of bickering, tried of being angry, tired of having cold fights.

I want to change dearly, and i am learning to control my temper, trying to break out of my usual self of persistent quietness, exploding further eventually. All the words in anger flows freely and messed up what i should be having; Happiness. Tears could not stop even if i wanted to I should find out ways that makes things work instead of making it worse for us both and i think i have gotten it finally. I have said you've changed in our recent quarrel. We both am. But now i will and willing to be the first to appease you when you are angry, think of you first in everything i do. I will change and i know its for the better. You have always thought of me first. When i say i want to go ice skating, the weekend you brought me to it. Thanks dearest..