Back to a place where I can rant non stop of how my life sucks (most of the time).
Yay, I did something wrt the last blog that I have posted. I messaged him and let him knows that I was upset with him and I wana quit that game. BUT still I played twice already cos he insisted o.o
Once in Malaysia and once last Saturday. Probably he knew how upset I was and changed his attitude when we were at the game. Still joking about my lousy skill but no more being mad at me for costing him to lose his game. Nonetheless still reluctant and phobia to play because I am sick of quarreling afterwards. Better siam than to spoil my day right?!
Went to feast with his malaysia colleague who drove us to a wulu seafood place in Johor Baru and ordered clams, crabs, veggie, egg with prawns, hotplate tofu for 4 person. We managed to finish the whole table of food and that was astonishing! Yet, I think I prefer Damahuahuan somehow.
Moving on to some issue we girls were having earlier but was resolved. I did not tell him though he should be the first I went to. I really finds it hard to communicate with him because arugments always set in and it's always! I fill him in regarding the issue only yesterday and he just couldn't stop and listen to me finishing my whole and keep cutting through in the middle and try to talk me with his perspective. Not that it is not good, I appreciate all and understand what he means. It's just that sometimes, I only need a pair of listening ears to absorb all my pieces and I'll be contented.
In the very end of the conversation I racked up the last Friday argument and I was quite pissed with all his excuses for the need to look after his buddy because he was drunk and he was long overdue in meeting me hours ago. He could have told me from the beginning that he will not be coming to look for me and then I'll not be expecting him which would have made things simpler. Yet he choose to give me that sort of excuses for telling me he will be here very soon and 3 hours later, it was still the same opening line that he'll be here in a minute. I wasn't really angry, I was calm and super annoyed only and I think that was it and I don't want him there anymore and I could jolly well go home on my own and I did. To cover up your ass after making it worse will only make things hell. All those overdue calls and explanations from your buddy does not help only to make it worse. Then it all ends with him commenting that "that's the reason why I dislike talking to you cause you are always being petty and mad at all the past quarrels that we are discussing presently" ---- in an annoying tone. All went silent after that and makes the surrounding tense and awkward. Why the hell can we communicate if not in this way? Probably I will seek other methods with you if I such a petty animal. To live with it I choose the silent way.
I want to complaint that I ALWAYS felt neglected when we are with his friends. I am sure he will not notice but I did and deliberately stay while he went looking for his friends and I was speechless when he went away not noticing my whereabouts. Don't you know it is not safe in Malaysia especially I am a girl and I am alone in some places of a foreign country? You may think that I was just being childish and wanted attention, perhaps I did need some of those but it's just me finding it ridiculous looking out for friends and neglected me. I should say I was disappointed with his demeanour yet once again I choose silent.
It's not that I want to keep everything to myself. I want to find a right time to tell this to him, to make him realise I needed more of his attention at times. He mentioned that I was sticky to him at the start of our relationship which did not impress me much except it made me transit to a time in the past where that somebody also mentioned that I am a sticker literally. I can't agree because I only did what I thought was initiated by you. You wanted me to move and stay with you. You wanted me to choose you over my friends and family. You wanted me to follow where ever you will be going. But now, it is me who is apparently sticky to want to follow you where ever you went, what ever you do and even when you are with your friends.
I see the where the whole picture is coming from. In the end I'll just tell myself I really shouldn't be bothering too much about you. Shall do less nagging when you have a drink too much, when you see your friends too often, when I think I want time alone if you want time with your friends. This should make things work. I shall stop to being a sticker and to grow up.
you are kind of tearing me apart altogether because I couldn't comprehend what you really want from me. Kinda sick and tired, the paths ahead looked so dark again.
Sticker me
Kate
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