I can't fathom why my mind is always making me think even though I don't want to do so. Maybe the usage of my brain is too low and my mind wants me to work mentally otherwise I might become senile too soon.
There's a whole lot of self thoughts or as I like to call it self-talk with myself, but sadly it's all negative thinking. I can't make it go away as much as I want to.
The negativities are creeping to me again. I asked a zillion times why am I always the one, the unlucky one. On the other hand I know I haven't been unlucky too, otherwise I will end up in a worst off state.
Right now I consider myself moving but too slowly.
My job is at a stagnant stage, though I am getting a decent pay and not much job scope I am getting sick of what I am doing. Facing a monitor and with only the world wide world to occupy my free time, I do not feel accomplished. Gonna wait till I am 2 years into the current job to see if there's something more I can do for the company or I will move on to other job rather than continue to feel useless and forgettable.
I have been too easily forgotten. Maybe it's because I seldom speaks up or I have too little involvement but it doesn't mean that I am invisible. 2 years into the job, I am the last to recieve bonus because my bosses has simply forgotten about me. How convenient.
There's other time where I also felt invisible but it's better left unspoken because I will never know, it may be myself that is being over sensitive or others being insensitive, well, just gonna live it that way.
Giving a title marks the importance of someone in your heart and not out of convenience. But it seems that we do misuse it sometimes.
There's only few who can understand me and my feelings and for that I really appreciate it.
Remaining silence doesn't mean that it is ok every time.
Trying to be rationale,
Kate
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